What in the World Am I Doing?

I know, I know you’re probably tired of “hearing” me talk about purpose, but the subject is just so downright fascinating and confusing at the same time.

When I read in the Bible how God ordains all of our days and has them all numbered, it is fascinating.  Yet, when I try to discover what I will do next year, after I graduate- even, this summer…my mind just goes a million different directions and nowhere all at once (hence the confusion part).  Is this making any sense?  Probably not.

I have all these ideas about what God might be calling me to do in my life, but then I get overwhelmed at the thought of making sure that each step I take is in His will.  I hear messages about the will of God, read books about the will of God, and try to learn from the Bible.  And I just keep coming up short.  There are very few times in my life that I can distinctly remember hearing God direct me exactly where to go, and me following in suit. 

For the most part, I feel like it’s me saying, “Well, this is something that will glorify God, and it looks like that’s what I’m supposed to do, so I’ll just go with that.” 

My problem stems from a lack in listening.  Seems like whenever I question purpose in life lately, this verse pops into my mind:

“You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life.  But the Scriptures point to me!  Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.”  -John 5:39

It’s like I keep trying to find that “perfect Bible verse” that gives me an AHA moment, where I instantly know what Christ is calling me to do.  But, I don’t think there is one.  Please, correct me if I’m wrong- I’m trying to figure this all out.  But, I feel like instead of searching the Scriptures and asking person after person, I should just go to Jesus.  If I am filled up with His Spirit, then His will eventually becomes my will….right?

It sounds so much easier in writing.  When people say, “What are you going to do after college?”  or “How did you decide where to go to college?,” I explain and immediately realize that I never asked Christ about any of it.  What a dangerous position.

Then (oh my- this post just keeps going on and on- feel free to check out if you get bored of this rambling!), I was talking to someone the other day who said, “Either God has you at Nova for a very specific purpose, or you’re just there.”  Hmmm…of course that got me thinking- why am I here?  What am I doing?  How is Christ using me?  Am I still supposed to be here?  Am I supposed to be here next year?

And the cycle continues.  A cycle of question and worry and doubt and confusion.  I know the Bible says, “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.”  It’s just so stinkin’ hard sometimes!

Additionally, Jesus reminds us, “Don’t worry about tomorrow.”  I don’t even know if I’ll be here tomorrow.  But there has to be balance.  I have to have some idea about what the future holds and be content with my present. 

Balance is one of those words that I struggle with in a major way.  Life gets off kilter so easily, yet balance is what we all seek and what Christ desires in our lives.  Anyone have any suggestions? : )

One more thought, and then I’ll leave you alone- haha.  Our “calling” in life is based on our unique gifts and talents.  Christ also wants us to enjoy our job and use it to glorify Him.  So if we find our gifts and talents, then pursue a career that is headed in that direction, are we in God’s will?


3 thoughts on “What in the World Am I Doing?

  1. Overwhelmed is a word I use a lot in my blogs lately….i have no answers about life and our purpose but I know that walking,learning,reading,seeking, after Jesus will get you going the right way. I too believe that when we use our gifts and talents to glorify Him we are headed in the right direction..still trying to figure it all out but thanking God He is with me every step of the way..keep running the race and know if you stumble He is there to pick you up..as well as your sisters and brothers in Christ..u r loved : ) Think back to the scripture in Matthew 25:15 ..the bags of gold.God was pleased with the men that used their gold to gain more but disappointed with the man who hid his…I believe same with our gifts and talents. if we just hide them and dont glorify God with them he is disappointed and may take them from us…dont worry about making all the right decisions..trust God that if you are seeking He will lead..as the song goes…He's not finished with me(us)yet..thanks for challenging me daily with your blogging : ) (sorry i rambled : )

  2. I think this is an issue that we all struggle with. Someone once told me that if you are walking in HIs path and are sincerely trying to be obedient, that HE will honor that! It is when we don't go to him or try to constantly do things on our own, that he needs to get our attention. I think it's awesome that you are seeking him at this stage of your life! Better yet, that you are sharing your fears as well as your faith with so many! I love you Chel and am praying for you!!

  3. Thanks for your thoughts, ladies. I love that God has placed such spiritually wise women in my life to look up to and learn from : ) I really appreciate the advice and prayers. Love you both to pieces…in a good way, of course!

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