Well, these past few days feel like one big wad of emotions that I’m still trying to untangle. I’ve experienced the mountain peaks, but not without a few lows (not quite valley style, but not exactly cloud 9 either!).
I always do this. When I have exams, or a lot of schoolwork all at once, I get super stressed out. No fail. Every single time. And I hate it when I do that. Not only is it ridiculous because I’ve been through it before and have learned that God is more than capable of providing the motivation and strength to get through it, but I also feel like I’m setting a bad example. I think about how both Christians and non-Christians are looking at my life to see how I react to things. The very thing I’m “preaching” one day could make no sense the next when I don’t live it out. I hate being hypocritical.
I say that Christ will provide and that He is enough, and that He gives ultimate peace. And I believe it- with all my heart, I do. I really do. But, when things get overwhelming, it’s like I just throw that whole concept to the wind and think, “Poor me. How will I ever get through? This is next to impossible.” Unbelievers who know me and know what I’m about have to be thinking…if she knows God, why is she so worried? If she knows God, why is she so impatient today? Ouch.
Well, right in the midst of my worries and right in the midst of my not-so-Christlike attitude, God decided that He would restore me with His words. As I’ve said before, Psalm 139 is one of my favorite Scripture passages, maybe my most favorite, though it’s kind of hard to narrow that down- don’t ya think? Anyway, I read through that Scripture with entirely new eyes. I don’t know what it was, but it became fresh all over again.
Have you looked in the mirror lately? Have you really looked? No- not at your imperfections, but your “wonderfully complex” self. I was brushing my teeth after I read this passage, and I looked at my eyes and thought…wow, those are incredible. Okay- you probably think I’m a psycho right now, so I want you to a. Find a mirror and b. Check out your eyes. Seriously. Go do it. This blog isn’t going anywhere : ) Really look at them and think about how they work. Think about the way they process information and how light reflects on them so you can see. I don’t know the whole scientific aspect, but I do know that our eyes are just one breathtaking part of our “wonderfully complex” bodies that Christ gave us.
If it was up to me, we would all be 2-D stick figures walking around looking somewhat similar. How grateful I am that God took the time to think about what we would look like and how our bodies would function. Seriously- our brains. They are insane. They tell us to breathe without us even consciously thinking about it. Now that, I’m very grateful for : ).
So, I was reading this passage and thinking that not only did God take great care in “knitting me” together in my mother’s womb, but He also did it for every other person that has ever lived. Each unique in their own way. God knit me and you and everyone in the world together!
I checked out the word “knit” in the dictionary….”to tie or link together; join closely and firmly; to form or create from diverse sources or elements; become closely and intimately united; bind, link, unite.” I never thought of it this way before, but when God was knitting me together, was He also knitting my heart to His? Were we becoming “closely and intimately united” even in the moments of my creation? I love to think so. Don’t you just eat up that visual?!
Then I read Isaiah 46:3-4, “Listen to me, descendents of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until you hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.”
Don’t know if you got the memo- but God cared, cares, and will care for us. He carried and will carry us. Oh, and not to mention, He’s busy saving us, too.
I am so thankful for a God who never lets go. I love that worship song “You Never Let Go.” I let go of His promises at times when I need them the most. I let go of the words that I proclaimed the day before. I let go of my Christ-like attitude at times. But, I know that no matter how far I run or how bad I mess up, He never lets go. Never lets go of me. Tough times, easy times. Dark times, light times. Never lets go of the plans He made for me. He sees me and He holds me and He saves me.