“…Enoch walked with God…” (Genesis 5:24)
I want that. If anything is said of me, let it be that I have journeyed step-by-step with my Savior.
And I want to talk as we walk. That’s the best way to actually walk with Him. It wasn’t too long ago that I started prayer walks. Sometimes out of pure frustration, other times out of a divine nudge, a sense that God was waiting for me join Him.
Every time I take Him up on it, I wonder why I don’t do it more often.
Yesterday, as I walked, I listened to a podcast. Second Corinthians 3:18 made its way from my ear buds to my core: “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
I’d heard it a million times. In fact, I have it memorized.
But it was different.
Beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord.
My hands have reached for a million other things, never satisfied with what I grasp. I see the tired girl in the mirror who wants to say the right thing and do the right thing and be the right person, even for the right reason of glorifying God. But this girl has tried too hard to hold what cannot be held with her own strength.
It’s only in a place of stillness that I realize my franticness. I fill time and space with things to keep busy, to keep my mind working so that I don’t have time to stop and see the tragic reality.
The mess that I am.
I like to keep that at a distance, asking God for forgiveness each morning and trusting Him to guard me each night, but never looking my sin square in the face and standing on the promise that God is greater than all of it—past, present, future.
I realize the longer I refuse to face the fullness of my sin, the less I understand of my Savior’s inexhaustible grace.
Be holding onto me, He says.
I’ve been holding onto that image I see in the mirror, the one that screams self-sufficiency and strength. The one that grits her teeth and pushes through, determined to be seen as faithful.
Apart from faith, how can I be faithful?
Apart from Christ, how I can I reflect Him?
The more I grasp His glory and goodness, the more I am transformed into that image without even trying. The more I stare at His love—His overwhelming, all-consuming, never-failing love—the more I embody that love.
And it isn’t the first time He’s spoken of abiding. I look back and recall countless moments when He asks me simply to be.
How quickly a human heart can get to striving.
And it’s only the grace and patience of God that bring me back to where it all begins. He packages it anew—His grace, that is. I peel away the wrapping as if it’s my first time and press that precious gift as close to my chest as it can get, more alive than I can ever remember.
I’m holding on.