[Fair Warning: For those of you fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-people, this post might not be for you. In fact, you probably enjoy the things I stress about. Feel free to read my crazy, but you might not relate. And for those of you Type-A people, welcome, my fellow sojourners. We will survive…together, on time, with our to-do lists in hands. God, help us.]
Most days, I’d like to have it all figured out. I’d like to know why everything is happening the way it is. I’d like to bypass the fog and see with crystal clarity my destination this side of heaven. I’d like to know little things, like when Vlad will get his fiance visa. Heck, I’d just like to know my wedding date (is it really too much to ask?). But here I am, up to my eyeballs in the unknown (the visa isn’t even a quarter of it) — and to be honest, I’m slowly learning to cope. I won’t say I have it all down, but there are moments when I see the sovereignty of God and the limit of my capabilities, and realize that the fog is the safest place for me to be, because HE is there. And in the rare moments when He chooses to lift the fog, I am still in the safest place because HE is there. It’s not a matter of how far ahead I can see; it’s a matter of my awareness of Him in the present.
I know this because I am most at peace when I am most dependent on Jesus. Even when the circumstances seem unreasonable, if I am with Jesus (talking with Him, listening to His word, spending time with other believers), I am standing. It’s when I believe to be standing on my own that I actually crumble. He knows that if He reveals too much at one time, I’ll start trusting myself instead of Him. So as the fog thickens, I reach out my hands to find Him as my steady guide. There He is — Faithful, Proven, True. I have nothing to worry about.
As soon as I start venturing on my own (not that I actually ever try that…), demanding He do things my way, I’m no longer in a place of humility. I’m telling God how to be God. [Now let’s all just pause for a minute of comedic relief. I can mess up a white shirt on a good day, and I think I should run the show called life?]
I am so glad God is God. As I reflect on my life, I see how wise He is. I can see (in part) how He has orchestrated events and people to intersect at the perfect time and accomplish His purposes. Even when the short term doesn’t look promising, I can trust that He is unfolding a good path before me. And the beautiful thing about journeying with Him? He already has it all figured out, yet He’s patient enough to walk with me through it. On the days when I fail to trust Him, He’s still there — ready to forgive and cheering for me as I try again.
I’m not there, but I’m learning. For in the midst of the fog, I am finding a greater treasure than the one I set out searching for in the first place — Jesus.